Monday, November 21, 2005
[Draft] #7 "Rationale"
1
Phe: Why do I have roommates?
2
Gab: Uh, you live in a castle?
Cor: You've got more rooms than you know what to do with!
3
Gab: Weren't you told that you couldn't use certain rooms?
Cor: What did you think that meant?
4
Gab: Who do you think subsidizes your rent?
Cor: The rent fairy?
Phe: Why do I have roommates?
2
Gab: Uh, you live in a castle?
Cor: You've got more rooms than you know what to do with!
3
Gab: Weren't you told that you couldn't use certain rooms?
Cor: What did you think that meant?
4
Gab: Who do you think subsidizes your rent?
Cor: The rent fairy?
[Draft] #6 "Roommates"
1
Phe: Who are you guys?
Cor: We're your roommates.
Phe: I'm not supposed to =have= roommates.
2
...
3
Phe: Is this going to be one of those things where you turn out later to be figments of my imagination?
4
Cor: I win, pay up.
Gab: Dammit, he's crazier than the last one.
Phe: Who are you guys?
Cor: We're your roommates.
Phe: I'm not supposed to =have= roommates.
2
...
3
Phe: Is this going to be one of those things where you turn out later to be figments of my imagination?
4
Cor: I win, pay up.
Gab: Dammit, he's crazier than the last one.
[Draft] #5 "No Beer"
1 kitchen
Corben: You're out of beer, guy.
Phe: [surprised]
2
Phe: What?
Cor: B E E R. G O N E. You have no beer. How could you drink it all already? It's like 10 in the morning!
3
Phe: What? No! I don't drink.
Cor: Then how come you don't have any beer left?
4
Phe: I don't buy beer!
Cor: Who doesn't buy beer?
Gabriel: [from around corner] You're out of beer, man.
Phe: WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
(might leave off that very last line)
Corben: You're out of beer, guy.
Phe: [surprised]
2
Phe: What?
Cor: B E E R. G O N E. You have no beer. How could you drink it all already? It's like 10 in the morning!
3
Phe: What? No! I don't drink.
Cor: Then how come you don't have any beer left?
4
Phe: I don't buy beer!
Cor: Who doesn't buy beer?
Gabriel: [from around corner] You're out of beer, man.
Phe: WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
(might leave off that very last line)
[Draft] #4 "Alone At Last"
1
Sup: I have work to do so I'll leave you alone. You should know that some sort of demon is haunting your toilet.
2
Sup: We'll have someone come by to exorcise it, but this is the busy season, so it will be a while.
3
Phe: [peeking around corner at toilet]
4
Phe: [holding plunger defensively] I don't believe in de...
Demon: [demon voice (in Japanese)] Good for you. Don't fall for that superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
(I'm a little iffy on this whole idea. First, why introduce the demon character? I have no plans for it. I think the basic idea was the feeling of being dropped off alone in Japan, unfamiliar with the kind of world you've moved to.
Of course, my resistance may be more because I don't know Japanese, so I don't know how to write what the demon is saying. I don't want to use English though.)
Sup: I have work to do so I'll leave you alone. You should know that some sort of demon is haunting your toilet.
2
Sup: We'll have someone come by to exorcise it, but this is the busy season, so it will be a while.
3
Phe: [peeking around corner at toilet]
4
Phe: [holding plunger defensively] I don't believe in de...
Demon: [demon voice (in Japanese)] Good for you. Don't fall for that superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
(I'm a little iffy on this whole idea. First, why introduce the demon character? I have no plans for it. I think the basic idea was the feeling of being dropped off alone in Japan, unfamiliar with the kind of world you've moved to.
Of course, my resistance may be more because I don't know Japanese, so I don't know how to write what the demon is saying. I don't want to use English though.)
[Draft] #3 "The Rules"
1 1st floor
Sup: You already know you can't use the rooms on the first floor.
2 2nd floor
Sup: Upstairs are three more rooms. These two you can't use.
3 bedroom
Sup: This one is your bedroom. This one is all yours.
4
Phe: So basically, in this huge house I can only use this bedroom.
Sup: Yeah, but you'll be spending 14 hours a day at work anyway, so it's not going to be an issue.
Sup: You already know you can't use the rooms on the first floor.
2 2nd floor
Sup: Upstairs are three more rooms. These two you can't use.
3 bedroom
Sup: This one is your bedroom. This one is all yours.
4
Phe: So basically, in this huge house I can only use this bedroom.
Sup: Yeah, but you'll be spending 14 hours a day at work anyway, so it's not going to be an issue.
[Draft] #2 "The Big House"
1 inside
phe: This would be a great place to have parties.
sup: No parties! Your neighbors are sensitive to the noise.
2
sup: Use these headphones when you want to watch TV, and try to remember to whisper when you talk on the phone.
3
sup: Also, there are cockroaches. They can fly, and they're big enough to carry small children.
4
sup: Try to step on one. They think that's funny, and you WANT to make them laugh. Get on their good side no matter what.
phe: This would be a great place to have parties.
sup: No parties! Your neighbors are sensitive to the noise.
2
sup: Use these headphones when you want to watch TV, and try to remember to whisper when you talk on the phone.
3
sup: Also, there are cockroaches. They can fly, and they're big enough to carry small children.
4
sup: Try to step on one. They think that's funny, and you WANT to make them laugh. Get on their good side no matter what.
[Draft] #1 "One Track Mind"
1: Outside, BIG house
Supervisor: Here is where you'll be living.
Phe: (ignoring sup) Whoa...
Sup: Your rent is subsidized, of course.
2
Sup: You can't use the rooms on the ground floor, the landlord is storing his belongings in the closets and will let himself in whenever he wants.
LL: [peeking around inside corner] Howdy!
3
Sup: It's too big to heat, and there's no insulation. Dress warm in the winter.
4
Sup: Also, some sort of mold has taken control of the shower room...
Phe: Rent is free? Sweet!
Supervisor: Here is where you'll be living.
Phe: (ignoring sup) Whoa...
Sup: Your rent is subsidized, of course.
2
Sup: You can't use the rooms on the ground floor, the landlord is storing his belongings in the closets and will let himself in whenever he wants.
LL: [peeking around inside corner] Howdy!
3
Sup: It's too big to heat, and there's no insulation. Dress warm in the winter.
4
Sup: Also, some sort of mold has taken control of the shower room...
Phe: Rent is free? Sweet!
[CAST] Characters
Phe: Phee (Phoenix). The fool.
Sup: Supervisor. The boss.
GF: The Girlfriend.
Sup: Supervisor. The boss.
GF: The Girlfriend.
[Rules] Open-source Humor
OK, here's how it works:
- DRAFT mode:
- I'll post my idea for a strip. Panels will be separated by numbers, followed by descriptions (if different from the previous panel) on the same line.
eg:
1: Outside: (first panel, takes place outside)
2: Kitchen: (second panel, takes place in the kitchen) - The dialog for that panel follows, prefixed by the abbreviated speaker's name. The full name will be written ONCE and ONLY ONCE, the first time that character appears.
eg:
Supervisor: Here is where you will be living.
Phee: Nice place.
Sup: It's haunted.
Phe: That's bad. - Once you realize that the strip lacks both a setup and a punchline (and, in fact, any humor whatsoever), you leave a comment with a BETTER punchline or better dialog.
- Whichever one makes me laugh gets put in the strip, with your name.
- If there's nothing to work with, and no potential humor is even detected, leave a comment saying "No power in the 'verse can make this one funny."
I'll SKIP it and go on to the next one. I don't want to waste my time 'drawing' it if it's not funny.
- I'll post my idea for a strip. Panels will be separated by numbers, followed by descriptions (if different from the previous panel) on the same line.
- POST mode:
- Once the script is finalized, I'll whip up the comic.
- The draft will be edited to include the new comic at the top, and republished.
- Any NEW characters appearing in this strip will be added to the character sheet at this point (NOT during DRAFT mode).
- If you don't like my comic and think you can draw it better (and, to be honest, a palsied, epileptic monkey with ADHD could draw it better), do it and send it to me, or send me a link.
One caveat is that the JETfuel is in black and white, photocopied. So line-art works best in that medium. If you want to make a color version for the web, that's cool too.
[Premise] In The Beginning...
Here's the deal: I'm an ALT on the JET program. I'm a CHO (meaning I work for my town, town=cho) rather than a KEN (meaning I work for the prefecture, prefecture=ken). I want to make a comic highlighting the subtle differences between life as a CHO and life as a KEN.
My first effort was ... less than perfect:
First, the title. "The CHOsen One", while cleverly including CHO, implies elevation above others, whereas life as a CHO is more like getting your face stomped on. Repeatedly. Forever.
Not that I'm complaining.
I changed the name to JET Fool, which sounds a bit (but not really) like 'jet fuel', which is also the name of the FJET newsletter in which I will be inflicting these on my fellow JETs. Also, it more clearly defines the main character (based on myself) as a bit of a dumbass, whom we can make fun of without feeling guilty. But more than just the title needs fixing.
Another problem is that it unfairly portrays my co-workers in a negative light. This is actually the opposite of true; my co-workers are awesome, and a joy to work with.
A third problem is the crude drawing. I'm no artist, and I have neither tools nor talent. I sketched that one out in Paint.
But, the most important problem is this: it's not particularly funny. I mean, I 'get' the humor; the first three panels set it up as being a horrible day and at the end the twist is that, even with all that happened, it was still a better day than average.
Har har.
But, if you don't care about the main character (and, if you're not ME, why would you?), why would you care if he had a bad day or not? If you're not a JET, you can't relate to similar experiences. In short, it doesn't have broad appeal.
And that's where you come in...
My first effort was ... less than perfect:
First, the title. "The CHOsen One", while cleverly including CHO, implies elevation above others, whereas life as a CHO is more like getting your face stomped on. Repeatedly. Forever.
Not that I'm complaining.
I changed the name to JET Fool, which sounds a bit (but not really) like 'jet fuel', which is also the name of the FJET newsletter in which I will be inflicting these on my fellow JETs. Also, it more clearly defines the main character (based on myself) as a bit of a dumbass, whom we can make fun of without feeling guilty. But more than just the title needs fixing.
Another problem is that it unfairly portrays my co-workers in a negative light. This is actually the opposite of true; my co-workers are awesome, and a joy to work with.
A third problem is the crude drawing. I'm no artist, and I have neither tools nor talent. I sketched that one out in Paint.
But, the most important problem is this: it's not particularly funny. I mean, I 'get' the humor; the first three panels set it up as being a horrible day and at the end the twist is that, even with all that happened, it was still a better day than average.
Har har.
But, if you don't care about the main character (and, if you're not ME, why would you?), why would you care if he had a bad day or not? If you're not a JET, you can't relate to similar experiences. In short, it doesn't have broad appeal.
And that's where you come in...
